I Interview Water

Me: Given the hoopla over 'international water' these days, I have a few questions directed to the source, that is, you.

Water: Be my guest.

Me: First off, what is your opinion of that phrase, 'International water.'

Water: It's a washout. Doesn't compute. I'm me, indivisible and global. Anyone who tries to divide me is nuts. As one of your more intelligent humans, Jacques Cousteau, said "There's only one ocean."

Me: But then, why do you think certain humans use that word "international" to define you?

Water: Listen, I've been on this planet a few billion years. You humans are a drop in the bucket, I mean the earth bucket. Your words are totally irrelevant to reality. You think you own the planet. You split it up into itsby-bitsy sections which you then claim as 'yours' even while I drop on you bigtime or wash over your coastlines from time to time In short, I own you. You're 70% me. Even Tony Blair, George Bush and Ahmadinejad, not to forget Renee Zellweger. Your ancient brothers even named me an earth god: Neptune. I like that. Fits.

Me: OK, OK, we 're all very grateful for your august presence but there's a grave political problem at this very moment. People are beginning to fight over you. It could get serious what with the weapons spread around the human community.

Water: Your fight's not over me! What do I have to do with your stupid politics? Couldn't care less. I've been hearing about your problems from Babylonians, Carthaginians, Mesopotamians clear back to cavemen. Nothing new there. But like the song, I jest keeps rollin' along.

Me: That's a comforting thought. But you've gotta help us. We're in deep trouble. A few of these national politicians can blow us all up over this "international water" business.

Water: You people are so short-sighted. You don't even know who you really are. Listen. I'll give you a for instance. You humans go to sleep every night, right? Just like all the other species on the planet. Then when your minds blank out, gone are the nationalities, religions, exclusive tribes and regions, pagan or superior cultures, rich or poor, aliens or citizens, enemies or friends, a big nothing, nada, zip. Then energy, or what some of you call 'synergy,' starts flowing in from the cosmos to your outer etheric body and finally settles where? Inside me which is mostly you. Then you wake up, your batteries recharged, totally unaware of what really happened, that, in spite of your great god brain, you all still depend on me for life on earth. All of you. Then, you start your same divisive B.S. the next day. Why do I even try?

Me: I said we were grateful, at least some of us are. But what advice can you give us to overcome our stupidities which have already in the past become very dangerous for all of us?

Water: It's simple. Wake up, man! I mean, really wake up! Listen, aeons ago I made this place livable for you. How many planets do you think have 70% surface water? So grow up already! Mature! You're a race, a species for God's sake, that's what. Get used to it, and soon! But with all your CO2 and radio-active pollution, you're making it rough for the planet itself, not to mention the other species out there who have been here a helluva lot longer than you. Besides they came first. After all, I've got to take care of my own. You're way down on the list. Last in, first out. And believe me, it's later than you think.

Me: OK. I'll pass the word. Thanks a mil.

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